While I'm Falling
by kuraokamiko
Summary: Sequel to 'Stay' and 'Conflicting Emotions'. Mu Tzu runs into Ranma on a bridge and the two talk about the events in 'Stay' and 'Conflicting Emotions'. RanmaMu TzuMu TzuRanma shounen aiboys love, OOCness, some sap, angst, and dark thoughts.


Title: While I'm Falling  
Author & Email: DC James [abyssinian_fujimiya@yahoo.com]  
Archived: DC James' Hideout [http://www.dreamwater.net/dudechan/]. Anywhere else,   
ask.  
Fandom: Ranma 1/2  
Part: 3/3  
Type: Last story of what was supposed to be a one-shot.  
Warnings: Angst, sap, maybe some waff, some confussion, mention of suicide attempt,   
depression, and shounen ai.  
Summary: Last part of the 'Stay' trilogy. Ranma and Mu Tzu have a long overdue   
discussion weeks after the events in 'Stay' and 'Conflicting Emotions'.  
Pairing: Ranma + Mu Tzu  
  
Written On: 8/16/01  
C&C is welcomed privately.  
  
* * *  
While I'm Falling  
Last Story of the 'Stay' trilogy  
* * *  
  
All rights and privileges belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz   
Communications, Inc., and associated parties. The characters of this series are used   
without permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not   
meant for sale or profit.  
  
* * *  
Text:  
::= Thoughts  
**= Actions within Speech/Characters in Non-talkable forms  
_ _= Exaggerated Words  
// //= Phone Conversation  
* * *  
  
"Ranma!!" Ryoga all but whined. It was almost amazing with how things have changed   
in a span of a few weeks. Before the suicide attempt, he would only refer to his rival   
with rage. Now, however, they became closer to more of best friends. Still, that didn't   
mean the Saotome heir didn't occasionally strain Ryoga's patience. "Dammit, Ranma,   
you've been sulking around this house for days!! Let's go spar!!" Ranma just stared at   
him dispassionately, a small raise of his eyebrow the only indication that the blue-eyed   
boy wasn't ignoring him.  
  
"That's right, m'boy!" Genma crossed his arms across his chest, trying his best to act the   
part of the all-knowing-and-wise-teacher. "You're getting slack in your training! I've   
been letting it slide, but you're almost completely healed. Now get off your lazy-"   
BAM!!!  
  
"QUIT PICKING ON RANMA, _UNCLE_!!" Akane roared, removing her mallet from   
the part-time panda.  
  
Ranma smirked minutely, eyes still half-lidded, :Well, that's the first.:  
  
Akane's expression softened as she turned to the Saotome heir, "But they do have a point,   
Ranma. You can't just lay there for the rest of your life."  
  
Ranma snorted softly, :I can try.:  
  
Ryoga grinned, "Yeah, Saotome! We could spar, train... yeah! We could go on a training   
journey and probably learn a few things! It's summer vacation soon, so why not?!"  
  
"For God's sake, has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm tired of martial arts being my   
life?!" Ranma snapped, rolling on his side, his back facing the two teens. "Geez! I just   
don't feel like it, okay? I haven't had a moment of peace or privacy since I went looney!   
I'm surprised you're letting me take a leak by myself, _Hibiki_."  
  
Ryoga glared, "I already removed all sharp objects from the bathroom, that's why."  
  
Akane bit down her own anger, putting her hands on her hips, "Ranma, we are worried   
about you. It isn't healthy to just stay up here. Dr. Tofu said you should get plenty of   
fresh air and exercise."  
  
"Fine, fine! I'm going for a walk! Happy?! Now leave me alone!" Standing up rapidly   
from the futon he occupied moments before, he shoved pass the two to leave the room.  
  
Akane huffed, narrowing her eyes, "Geez, Ranma, we're just trying to help!! Ooh, that   
boy!"  
  
Ryoga sighed, shaking his head, "Maybe he's right. We've all been smothering him, not   
leaving him alone for very long or anything. He's a Saotome, they like to believe there's   
nothing wrong when there is. You know as well as I do he won't go see a psychiatrist   
like Tofu advised."  
  
Akane crossed her arms over her chest, anger softening, "Yeah... I wish he wasn't such a   
moron." Letting out a wistful sigh, she turned to the fanged boy, "Wanna go see a   
movie?"  
  
A blush instantly arose on the boy's cheeks as he began to stamper, "Ah, I well, that is...   
um... Mr. Tendo... ah...." Grinning, he nodded his head, "Sure!!"  
  
Akane kissed Ryoga on the cheek before leaving the room, "You're sweet when you're   
embarrassed." Ryoga was still stuttering and blushing, the unconscious Genma being the   
only other one in the room to bear witness.  
  
* * *  
  
Xian Pu stomped towards the kitchen, a bowl of warm miso soup in her hand. "Stupid   
duck!! You put sugar in soup!!"  
  
Mu Tzu grumbled, making another bowl for the dissatisfied customer. It was   
immediately snatched away by the violet haired Amazon, who was going through one of   
her 'all mighty' moments.  
  
Khu Lon hopped over to the male, poking him, "Boy. Take your break. I'll do the   
cooking. You need a walk."  
  
"I'll stay. Got nowhere to go anyways." Mu Tzu brushed asside the offer as he checked   
the rice again. An intense migrane popped up from the spot Khu Lon landed her staff on   
his head. "YOU SENILE OL-"  
  
Another hit for good measure. "I said. Take. Your. Break. I have to talk with my great-  
granddaughter in private."  
  
"Geez, you old crone, you could have said that." He washed his hands under the sink   
before leaving out the backway of the Nekohatten. Women! So moody, so secretive.   
Why don't they just go ahead and be bluntly honest about what they want, then things   
would go along so much more smoothly. And less painful in some cases. Wishing for   
the eighteenth time that day to fly, he quickly squashed the feeling, snarling to himself.   
:What is wrong with me? Fly, fly, fly, that's all I think about doing. It's getting worse   
than my crush on Xian Pu. Maybe a walk will be good.: Picking a random direction, he   
began his break.  
  
Khu Lon watched him leave, and picked up the phone, "Very well, he just left. Now tell   
me what is so important that I had to let him go on his break early?"  
  
"//Sorry, maybe later. Thanks again, Cologne. I'll be sure to cut your tab in half.//"  
  
Khu Lon rolled her eyes, "You're kindness is overwhelming, Nabiki."  
  
Nabiki hung up the phone on her end, turning to Kasumi, "Man, you really are   
suffocating. Just because he went on a walk alone, you want a fighter out there to make   
sure he's okay? What if Mousse hurts him?"  
  
Kasumi smiled that smile of hers, the one that seemed to scream 'I know a secret and you   
won't find out until it's too late'. "Mousse wouldn't hurt Ranma. Thank you again,   
Nabiki-chan."  
  
"And don't call me 'Nabiki-chan'!!"  
  
* * *  
  
Ranma walked in quiet solitude down the street with the late afternoon sun pulsing to his   
left. He vaguely noted that the store owners were already closing up for the day, and the   
street was steadily becoming more desolated. He really didn't care to notice consciously   
at the moment. He was too angry with himself, with his friends and family. He stopped   
in the middle of the bridge over the canal. The water it carried was only ten feet deep,   
fifteen tops, which he figured out from his multiple dips. He stared into the dark blue   
water, watching it run it's course from one destination to another.  
  
:Damn. I should'uv known that I would have screwwed up the attempt. I'm Saotome   
Ranma, for cryin' out loud.: Not to say thoughts like this didn't worry him. It downright   
frightened him at times. He heard that most that tried to kill themselves ended up   
regretting the action, have a new awakening of life, so on and so forth. He felt regret all   
right, but only regret that he didn't die. Nothing would go back to the way it was. Ryoga   
was his 'best buddy', but that was only because he had promised to share his cure with the   
lost boy and hook him up with Akane. Or maybe they had always been friends, it was   
just hidden for a while.  
  
With a sigh, Ranma brushed back his bangs, irked at the headache that had returned full   
force. He wished he had waited for a better opportunity to try and do himself in, that way   
he wouldn't have to go through the changes that he was suffering through at the moment.  
  
Ukyou would have been upset, depends on how well he would have tried to cover it up.   
She would have blamed herself and the others a lot if he had died in his attempt. Well,   
really, she would have blamed herself for five seconds, then try to kill the others before   
herself afterwards. If it was just an 'accident', she would have accepted that, maybe get a   
kick in the gut every once in a while when she thinks about it. He really thought that's   
how they all would have acted, eventually. Some might even have had happy endings. If   
you can't figure out the problem, destroy the problem, that's what his pop said.  
  
Ranma smirked, watching the action mirrored in the water. His old man would be bleed   
white if he thought Ranma actually listened to advise only when he twisted the words   
around. Either that, or it'd be because of Nodoka's katana going through him. A slight   
nervous laugh escaped his lips, and he quickly took on a blank expression in surprise at   
that. :Oh great, not only am I thinking about suicide, but homicide now. Or just other   
gory deaths. Okay, I'm no genius, but this isn't healthy.: His eyes half lidded in disbelief.   
:Like aquatransexuality is healthy to start.: He tilted his head, seeming to notice for the   
first time that it was now completely dark.  
  
That was a problem with thoughts, sometimes they seem so short and instead last so long.   
He took a deep breath, kicking a rock into the water below. The sound of the faint splash   
caught his full attention. :Would they believe accidental drowning? I fell asleep and fell   
off the bridge, then drowned?: He frowned at that. :No. I'm too good a swimmer, and   
even with how heavy a sleeper I am, they know the feel of the change would always   
wake me.:  
  
"If you jump, I'm going to have to go in after you."  
  
The voice shocked him, and he whirled around, locked into a defensive stance. He   
relaxed as he recognized the sea-green eyes watching him morosely. "Hello, Mousse.   
What brings you out here?"  
  
Mu Tzu shrugged, walking over to stand beside the Saotome heir. "My evening break.   
The Old Ghoul let's me have about a half hour after the 5 o'clock rush." The Amazon   
male looked at Ranma (or what he could recognize as Ranma hopefully) from the corner   
of his eye. He looked better than on... that night. He threw his thoughts from that   
memory into the present. "Sooo......" he drew out as purpose hesitation. "What is the great   
Saotome Ranma doing on a bridge, looking as though he's making plans?"  
  
"I'm not makin' plans, Duck-boy." Ranma growled in a sudden rush of anger. "I'm just   
tired of everyone targetting me while they're having mother hen syndrome."  
  
"Need to get away from it?" Mu Tzu asked. "The Old Ghoul is needing a new waiter or   
waitress this summer, seeing as how more people will be coming as tourists, and she has   
some new places she wants to try out for the mobile faction."  
  
"I'll think about it." Ranma put it asside to ponder later.  
  
They stood together in companionable silence, almost agreed upon by the two fighters.   
Only the calm rippling of moving water and the occasional slap of a wave hitting   
concrete broke through the stillness. Ranma couldn't have been happier. Being beside   
Mu Tzu, not fighting, just... he didn't know what it was they were doing, but he liked it.  
  
"Why did you do it, Ranma?"  
  
His anger bursted through the serene feel that had calmed his thoughts. Of course he   
would have to ruin it, the stupid duck! Couldn't the whole damn world just leave well   
enough alone?! "Because I could." Ranma snapped at the other boy, and turned to walk   
away.  
  
"I didn't mean why you took a shot on suicide, Saotome. I won't lie and say you're the   
only one who's really thought about it. You're just the first of us to actually try it." Mu   
Tzu kept his eyes firmly locked on the water, refusing to look up at his rival, refusing to   
satisfy his curiousity of what expression the blue-eyed boy was wearing. He took a deep   
breath and continued, "What I meant was.... what..... what triggered it? What was the   
final straw? And why..... why did you steal my dagger to use? Have you been planning   
this for months in advance?"  
  
Ranma was wide eyed, but it was the only thing giving away his surprise. He felt....   
empty. No one had really asked more than why he tried to commit suicide, and he was so   
tired of even remembering all the reasons he didn't want to repeat them. He looked to his   
feet to collect his thoughts, then looked up towards the sky. The half moon was already   
coming through, bringing a few stars with it.  
  
Mu Tzu waited patiently for the other to answer his questions, but as more minutes   
passed, he started to wonder if he would ever get them. He took a deep breath, about to   
dismiss it, when he got his response in a quiet voice.  
  
"I don't really know what triggered it. I... I guess I was depressed that day. Everyone   
attacking me, except Ryoga and Akane... well, Akane did once, but that was because I   
said her butt looked big in that orange dress she had, I can't really see her in-"  
  
"Don't run off the subject, Saotome." Mu Tzu warned.  
  
Ranma blushed faintly, nodding. "Sorry. But I honestly don't know. It was a day like all   
the others really. Nothing special. As for your dagger... I don't know why I took it.   
Maybe because I knew I didn't want to make Kasumi feel guilty if I used one of her   
kitchen knives. Or maybe she would have thought she lost it. Who knows with Kasumi."  
  
Mu Tzu narrowed his eyes in irritation. "Oh, so using my weapons and making _me_ feel   
guilty is a better alternative?"  
  
"NO!" Ranma snapped. "That's not what I meant! If you're just going to accuse me as   
always, then go jump off the bridge, 'cause I ain't in the mood to take your shit, too,   
Mousse!"  
  
"Then why the hell did you use _my_ dagger?! Trying to frame me or something?! Why   
not a piece of glass or a razor or something instead?! Or better yet, those might be too   
dull, just use one of Ukyou's spatulas. No, no, wait." He was fusterated, confussed, a bad   
combination. He kept running his mouth in hot anger, "That would make her feel guilty   
too. Well, damn, I guess you could have used ol' Ryoga's bandanas-"  
  
"I thought about those things, Mousse." Ranma whispered, more to himself thinking Mu   
Tzu probably would have listened if he heard anyways. He looked away, minorly   
embarrassed when the Amazon's rambling stopped. "I guess... I guess I just wanted you   
to know I thought about you before I died or something. I don't know. I found your   
dagger one day, thought about either returning it or throwing it away, and in the end I   
never did either."  
  
A quiet thoughtful look crossed over Mu Tzu's face as he listened to the boy, and   
remained, growing more intense, after he was done. He put his hands in his sleeves,   
suddenly cold, and lowered his head. "I won't get mad about what triggered you, Ranma.   
If it's embarrassing, disgusting, or will make someone angry or scared, I'll keep quiet. I   
just... I just need to know before I help you... so that I won't make a mistake."  
  
"Buddy, I don't need you to be a mother duck, I got enought people trying to 'help' me by   
smothering me with attention. And while I like a little attention, you can have too much   
of a good thing." Ranma tried to brush off the concern with humor, but one look at Mu   
Tzu's expression stated clearly that he wasn't going to let this one go. With a sound   
halfway between a sigh and a growl, Ranma walked back to stand beside his Chinese   
rival. "... you'll feel guilty."  
  
"Try me."  
  
Ranma smirked to himself, closing his eyes. :Just imagine he isn't there.... and you won't   
put your foot into your mouth. Better now than never. And at least now... he won't think   
I want Shampoo anymore.: Taking a clean, deep breath of fresh air, he began to speak   
calmly. "It was you that triggered it, Mousse. After school, when Shampoo glomped me,   
and you attacked me. Do you remember?"  
  
Mu Tzu held his chin, thinking back. "Vaguely."  
  
A nod and he continued, "I remember it ver well. You were able to glomp Shampoo and   
that made her drop me so she could try and beat you up. You said... 'Xian Pu, please   
marry me! You don't need that dumb Saotome, you don't need the village! As long as we   
love each other, who needs them?' and you continued on with your usual advances."   
Ranma paused, seeming to collect his thoughts. "Those words got me thinking. I realized   
that... you were right. Love isn't something to be taken for granted. You gotta know   
when you have it and how to treat it right. Shampoo doesn't see how much you're   
devoted to her, so she doesn't appreciate you. You're a really good fighter, Mousse. But   
those words..." he blushed faintly, "... scared me."  
  
Both of Mu Tzu's eyebrows rose up in surprise, "_Scared_? _You_?"  
  
A minute nod. "W-well... I didn't think for all this time that I was in love. I mean... yeah,   
my attention has been set on someone that I felt something for, but I didn't know what it   
was. What you said made me realize that it was love, not lust or admiration. I was   
falling, and I didn't know if anyone would care, or if anyone would catch me. I'm not   
always Saotome Ranma, you know. Sometimes I'm just plain Ranma." His eyes   
darkened a few shades as depression began to set in. "So I ran back to the Tendo's,   
thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more... I dunno, sad, confussed, angry,   
depressed, so on and so forth I got. When I was alone, I walked around for a while.   
Looking around the house, your dagger in my hand. When I got to the changing room, I   
saw my reflection. I... I was furious. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. And that was   
the trigger."  
  
Mu Tzu was hesitant about what to do, guilt and shock rushing through him, making him   
confussed and slightly unsure. He cautiously put his hand on Ranma's arm, smiling what   
he hoped was reassuringly. "We'll keep it between us. I'm... I'm sorry I made you think   
about it. But... is the person you feel for really worth all this trouble? I mean, you don't   
even know if she feels the same way!"  
  
"Not true." Ranma shrugged minutely, "I know 'she' doesn't feel the same way. But 'she'   
is worth it all right. It's not in a good way, but with me out of the picture, maybe h-'she'   
could have the one 'she' wants."  
  
The green eyes held mischievious disbelief, "You're kidding, right? Any girl I know of   
has a crush on you. Well, except for Akane-" He froze, eyes widening with all humor   
gone. "A-Akane?!"  
  
"Eh?"  
  
A bright smile rushed over Mu Tzu's face, "I should'uv known!! Ranma and Akane, the   
indestructible couple!! If you're out of the picture, she can have Ryoga!! Who'da thunk   
that?!"  
  
"Only you, apparently," Ranma grumbled.  
  
"You love Akane!!! You don't want Ukyou or Kodachi or Xian Pu, you want Akane!!"  
  
"I love Mousse. Don't want no other girls, just want Mousse." Ranma mumbled under his   
breath.  
  
"Ranma loves Akane!! Ranma loves-WHAT?!"  
  
Ranma blushed, looking up to see a pale, wide-eyed Mu Tzu staring at him in open   
shock. :Weird. That's the same look mom gave me right after I told her I was Ranko. If   
this is anything like it, pretty soon he's going to-: *THUD* :..... faint.:  
  
* * *  
  
Mu Tzu struggled back to the world of the living, pretty sure he heard incorrectly. He   
held the back of his head where it hit the concrete, noticing Ranma was looking at him   
with worry and some fear. "Um.... I think my ears are going at an early age, but I thought   
I heard you say.... um.... "  
  
"I did."  
  
"... you were joking, right?"  
  
"No."  
  
".... HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Mu Tzu exclaimed as he stood, beginning   
to pace around. "I mean.... we've got nothing in common except that we fight! How   
_could_ you?!"  
  
Ranma kept his eyes on the ground, "You said you wouldn't get mad, scared, or angry."  
  
Mu Tzu snarled back, "About what _triggered_ you, not about your love life!!" He missed   
seeing the blue-eyed boy wince at the anger in his tone, too worried about what he was   
going to do. :Khu Lon's gonna kill me, because I'd be in the way of Xian Pu's conquest!   
Xian's going to kill me because of the same reason! Genma's going to attempt to kill me   
because it's his son, Mrs. Saotome might do the same thing, oh hell!!!!: He grabbed his   
hair, messing it around in a futile hope of getting some form of an idea of what to do.  
  
"It's just between us, Mousse. No one knows, and no one will have to know. I can't go   
back to China with Xian, though. Seeing you's enough to get me depressed. So. Just   
forget about it." Ranma tried to reason, but it sounded dead and weak even to his own   
ears.  
  
Mu Tzu stopped his panic rush, and seconds later moved his hands away from his head.   
"... That's true. You can't go to China with Xian. I would go, too, and we both would get   
depressed. But I'm not going to just 'forget about it', Ranma." He turned, eyes dead   
serious as he watched his rival. He lowered his eyes, letting out a wistful sigh as he   
walked to the Saotome heir. :If only you were a girl...: "... better get home, Saotome.   
With how long we've been here, they've probably sent out a search party to find you. I   
need to think about this. I need... I just need a few days, okay? Don't do anything rash   
during then."  
  
A spark of a light entered the nearly black eyes, a slight look of hope on the other boy's   
face, "What do you mean by that then, Mousse?"  
  
Mu Tzu shrugged, a faint smile on his lips, "It means I'll see you in a few days, and   
maybe by then we'll have an answer." That said, he turned on his heel and walked back to   
the direction of the Nekohatten.  
  
* * *  
  
"Where stupid duck boy been?! Dinner rush start half hour ago and you come back   
now?! Stupid stupid stupid duck!!" Xian Pu finished with her yelling at the other   
Amazon and left to serve more customers.  
  
Khu Lon handed over the grill to him, watching him from her perch on her staff, "So   
what did take you so long, Mu Tzu?"  
  
"Ran into Ranma. We talked."  
  
"And?" The ancient woman asked.  
  
Mu Tzu smiled to himself, chopping the vegetables. "Let's just say we both were falling   
and just realized it. Now we have to catch each other or else it's going to be a very   
painful landing."  
  
Khu Lon looked lost for a few minutes, then snorted, hopping out of the kitchen, "I'll   
never understand this generation." she grumbled under her breath.  
  
[ owari ]  
  
A/N: ........ was it good? .......... was it bad? ........... my muses aren't really cooperative.   
One came back from re-training and she helped for a while, then she just kinda...   
croaked. *prays to the well of Wishful Thinking* Anyway, C&C, whatever you like to   
say, go ahead. 


End file.
